This being my first Mother's day.... made me think a little. (ps. I had an amazing day, Chris spoiled me and I think they should have 4 or 5 mother's days a year. lol)
I know for myself as I grew up, I looked to my parents.... I watched what they did, I listened to what they said (most the time) and I looked up to them. Being a mom seemed to be so amazing because it seemed like you got to do whatever you wanted, you chose what you ate and when you went to bed. It looked like sooo much power. I guess I always knew that one day I would be a mom (because you see most adults with children) but it seemed like an eternity away. Every day as a child seemed to be so long and time went so slow. Now that I am older the days come and go way too fast. I know a lot of women who have said "I was made to be a mom", or "all I want to be is a mom". I never had that strong desire or that "calling" to motherhood. Before becoming a mom myself that kinda worried me but I just figured I would do the best I could when the time came. I never really thought too much about what kind of parent I wanted to be either but I always knew I wanted to show love.
I am not going to get into our pregnancy story too much but before we conceived baby Abriel we did lose our first baby between week 5 and 6. (I do believe, even in those early weeks, that little baby was a human and deserving of life). It was devastating and unexpected. I will never forget my first little baby but I have learned a lot about myself, about miscarriages and about how to support other women who have or may experience one as well. It also made me extremely thankful for being able to conceive, give birth and hold my brand new baby since I know not all women are capable of experiencing that. I will never take for granted my body's ability to be apart of creating a human life.
While we have made this decision to go to the Dominican with our precious baby girl I am, of course, a little nervous for her safety and well being. I have been told by a couple people already that what I am doing isn't right.... which sounds to me like "You're a bad mother". I have thought about it
a lot and I have come to this conclusion: I want to teach this little person about taking risks and living life, especially when it's to help others. I want to teach her to follow her desires and her heart even when it seems like all odds are against her. I want to teach her to put others before herself and the art of compassion. How can I teach her these things if I am not willing to live them out myself? Some of you might say I can teach her these things in my own country and city. That is very true.... but if I told you that just this weekend we went to the
Christian Homestead (a residence for people with physical and mental illnesses), where we have been volunteering for almost 2 years, with our 2 month old daughter would you think that's dangerous? I have been working with people who have mental illness for almost 9 years and love it and love the people. Going there to me isn't dangerous because it's common to me. We let a man with schizophrenia and a women with Bi Polar disorder and a serious seizure disorder hold our child. We listened to that women's story of her personal struggle to have children and the loss of her 2 week old baby boy, Spencer. The joy that was brought to them for: 1) having people trust them and; 2) being able to hold Abriel, was priceless. This is the kind of compassion and caring I want to teach my child....(and I am)...... and I plan to do more. Us going to do what we feel we are called to do, even though we are scared and a little unsure how everything end up, will hopefully be an example for our daughter to feel brave enough to go for the things she wants to do and feels called to do.
Happy Mother's Day to all the giving and brave mom's out there!! Props to you all, it's a hard job.
Proud Mom,
Keeleah
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